My mini Vacation

So, I decided to take a mini vacation to my 2nd home... with everything in life going down hill, I felt that this would be a perfect time to go to the one place that makes happy... being around people that make me smile, laugh and reminisce... totally worth every cent.

The best part of being here is that I never realized how people really do miss me... I mean it is always nice to know that you're not forgotten but to have people actually tell you that you have influenced them artistically... I feel very honored and humbled by that... so many good things are happening artistically well for me... being hired by the off broadway theatre company in OC is something I never thought would happen to me... I would have never expected such an opportunity come my way... and also to have my own work that I created with some talented people have a LA performance... I don't know where this may take me but I have a good feeling about this and especially for my actors... who knows what might happen?

Thanks to all the peeps that have been amazing to me during my vacation... Where else would I find amazing people like you in my life....
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Thngs Could Be Looking Up

Gosh, I haven't written on my blog in a long while... I figure that this might be a good time to get started again... here I go:

In Directing News: I finally get to direct... I am so overly excited to be doing this... I will be directing a stage reading of a play I wrote in Ithaca, NY and continued developing with 8 SB BFA's.... that was a great treat for me. So Ni Una Mas will get its first LA Premiere on March 26th at Casa 0101 for Women Month... http://www.aprayerforjuarez.org/
visit the website... best thing for me at this moment... and on top of that more than half of the original cast will be doing the play... i just have a great feeling about this performance... anything could happen!!!!

I am still trying to find a better job and on top of that... I have to find a new place to live... in less than 2 weeks. I haven't been able to find anything I can afford with the money I make. It is so frustrating and I just feel sad all the time. Talking with Michael... he spoke the truth about some things... he was telling about how George Clooney lived in a closet size apt for the first part of his career. He thinks I should move to LA and see what happens there... I'm not sure how to feel about this... something keeps telling me that I need to leave the OC... nothing has been biting here other than the theatre company I intern for and the directing gig i have that won't start until September of this year for Theatre Out... but in reality, there really isn't any theatres here that want a Latina Directora... it is so high school in the OC theatre scene... everyone is cliche and talks behind your back... and if your someone who is raising, they try to exploit you... of course, this sounds like any other profession, but the OC is the OC... but maybe I should think about it... Michael is such a good friend... his words, I truly appreciate!

Well, that is the big question I have for myself... stay in the OC or move to LA?... with all the internships I am applying for... I guess we shall see what happens... cross your fingers and say a pray for me!!

Besos All <3

Some Relief

So, i went home this weekend and it was the best thing i could have done for myself... i needed to get away from her... she is bad news and i finally getting to see the type of person she... i can't believe that she "YAY" me leaving... maybe i should be more open about i feel when she leaves the apt... I throw parties when she's gone from the apt... i truly feel that she tries to make me look bad because deep down inside she is unhappy that she has no control of her life whatsoever... i have been always able to speak up for myself and she hasn't been able to do that because she lets others tell her what to do... her boyfriend, her mother (crazy bitch)... when i got home, i hugged my mother and thanked her for not being a crazy mother and for teaching me to always speak my mind... but N-E-Wayz

Being home was wonderful for me... I got to hang out with my boy David (Vanity Phat) and he has lost so much weight... he is looking so good and i am so proud of him... i can't believe we will be graduting and go out into the real world... that's the way he put it... i told him about room mate terror and he told me to not let her get to me... she is just a little scared girl that is unsure of life... i have to say i agree with him on that... but it was wonderful seeing him and talking to him... our talks are always the deepest ones... we always feel better at the end of everything...

Then, I hung out with Izzy (Nigga Chulo) and David (Nigga Babe) and they gave me my nickname (Nigga Brown)... lol... that made us laugh for hours... oh, but before they came over Jason and i were talking... i confessed to him that i wanted to finish what we started... (background on Jason... we dated about 3 yrs ago and just last year he moved into my old room... My mommy rented out my room... and he didn't know i lived there... well one thing lead to another and we realized that we knew each other from the past... when we were dating, we had so great connections... IDK why but it was always passionate and intense... but the downfall is.... he is engaged... and YES as Izzy put it "I'm a homewreaker"... its so bad but we can't help it... but we did hook up and it was amazing for those few minutes... end of background)... and he said that he wanted to as well... well... let's just say that we started it up again but still didn't finish it... Bad Angela!!!

But Izzy, David and I hung out til 3am... partying at a friend's place... Izzy made an amazing drink... so yummy... then we got some food and sang some musicals as we drove to my place... "Niggas, Niggas, Niggas chasing Niggas" (from Your a Good Man, Charlie Brown)... lmao... it was the greatest moment of improv ever!!!! Izzy always knows how to make me forget my worries... love u Izzy!!!

And the last important man in my life i got to hang out with is my BFF Danny (he's not gay but he is so fine) and he always gives me the real... he told me that he didn't come for me to cry on his shoulder but to help me understand the situation at hand and fix it... he always tells me like it is but to not let people walk all over me... "Grad school will always been there and if i don't get in, its ok" as Danny put it so nicely... i have tons of other things happening for me... i can always try again next year.... but i am still waiting on Brown and UCLA... (SCREAM)... but Danny is amazing... he is going to be something amazing... he is such a talented actor... we're probably going to go to the top together... he he he... but he helped me be ok with things and as for the room mate problem... well... he said that she is a young scared girl and knows nothing of the world outside of her own... I should just not let her get to me... and i must start doing that or else she might get a "reality check" from me!!

All in all i was sad to leave everyone in the OC... it was great to visit and to calm myself down... she really tries my patiences... but meh with her and im just going to work on being the best me ever!! Im amazing, talented and beautiful... forget that sorry girl and let's focus on ME!!

Look out everyone... im about to show everyone something wonderful!!

Besos!

Talent Exposed

So, I talked with my roomie today... very long and emotional conversation between us... her mother is one crazy lady and i can't believe she would say those things about me... she doesn't even know who i am... but i have lost sight of who I am... its like i have been so wrapped up with Grad school drama to realize that i have been in a very bad mood... i haven't taken any of my moodiness out on anyone... Tara just always feels like she a victim because of her pass tack record with other room mates... but when i realized that her mother wanted her to move out... if that were to happen that is not the way i wanted to go down... and the talk we had me me realize that...

1. Her mother rules with an iron fist and she can't stand up to her mother at all... she is very weak
2. She uses her illness to make you feel sorry for her... so, if my moodiness continued... i would be responsible for her getting sicker.

Sorry that is not the way that works... if you can't keep yourself in check then serious go cry home to your mama... and i do take responsibility for my actions... and i apologize for it... there is nothing else i can do for her... i am so done playing the accused villain... if anything she should be happy that I am not a real bitch like her other room mates... (sigh)

Lunch with Leo was amazing... he always can put things in perspective for me... he really cares about me so much... he truly is a friend and someone i admire with all my heart... our conversations always have something new to teach me... today's lesson is "my talent"...

Everyone says that i am talented... i am very happy that people like my work... i work very hard on my craft... but then he gave me criticism... like you need to learn how to take criticism better because it will help you get better... and yes i know that i lack confidences sometimes ... i suppose that it is hard because it's possible that i don't believe in myself enough... gosh, if i thought i was going to be feeling like this over grad school... but he told me that my mood has been very different... i look like i am sad all the time and he feels its because i am stressed over getting rejected or not finding out about other schools... its true and i told Tara that today... our talked helped me realize that i was becoming someone i never thought i would be... and i excused myself for acting that way... i made it perfectly clear that she can not relate her stuff to what i am going through because it is not the same at all... but i hope our conversation smoothed things over... for now and without her mother interfering...

well, Daddy just help me through this... help be stronger and wiser about everything that is happening to me right now... i miss u the most... always!!!

but all in all i guess i will have to learn to know that "I am talented" and I should be very proud of that!!

Besos

Silly Lady

So, last night my roomie tells me to check her cell because she thought she heard it ring... i check it and her boyfriend called... and at the same time her mother text her... now this lady is crazy... i have witness this myself as i met her this weekend... so, she sent her a text saying if i had asked about them not coming back to take me grocery shopping... her mother had offered and i said if she likes that that it would be fine... but they ended up leaving early... and she continues to add that as soon as she gets in (my roomie) to go to her boyfriend's apt... she continues to say "If she gets mad, put her on check... you owe nothing to her"... imagine seeing that after being polite to her this whole weekend... she waking me up at 9am as she bitches that the dishes haven't been washed... she vacuum's our floor like she lives her... i mean all the gestures she did were nice but she didn't have to do that... LADY YOUR CRAZY!! so, i understand even more why your daughter is the way she is... seriously grow up!!! Silly Lady!!

Also, i talked with David last night... which was very nice... he always calms me down... i realized 2 things...

1. I miss home more than ever... being away has made me miss all the important people in my life that live in the OC... Bad Angela for not always calling or saying in touch more often... it gets hard but i need to make more of an effort...

2. I really, really, really don't like living with Tara... i want her to move out... she is so stressful with her crazy mother and the drama that comes with her... i'm sure that while her other room mates were mean people... she probably had something to do with why they treated her in that way... gosh, grow up Tara... i don't care if you have been sheltered... that shouldn't be an excuse for anything in your life...

David always helps to put things in perspective for me... but i now will enjoy my apt even more when she is not in it... YAY!!

WOW, my first 2 entries and they are so harsh... well, i need to get out my frustrations somehow... i know i will write something more cheery next time... i hope! lol

Besos

Clueless People

Throughout my life so far, i have had times when the choices i make in my life are not good ones. I had a boyfriend that was 5 yrs older than me when i was 19 yrs old and he screwed me over... literally. But i learned a lot from him... that i didn't want someone like that... now, i live with a newly 21 yrs old and she is a sweet person... sometimes. I look at her and see much of what i went through when i was her age... now she is dating this guy who is a complete jerk... when i first met him he was nice, funny and great to chat with... a good friend all around... ( and just for the record... i am not attracted to him at all whatsoever... NEVER!!! Thank God)... and we have been friends for a year... now this last year at UCSB was going great until he came and wanted to date my room mate... and i wouldn't blame him... she is a pretty girl... but he is the type of guy that has this lame ass rule to save himself from "getting hurt"... he is very selfish to be honest... so this rule is that he must date you for 7 months... you basically act like a girlfriend to him... cook for him, clean for him, and do favors for him... him, him, him, him... (and girls yes, there is a man that actually exist like this)...

well... i stay out of their datingship... i don't want to be apart of this thing at all... and they have been having their ups and downs... until just this past week... he tells her that "he needs space" and she gets all histeraical... crying and crying... and we do that walk over to his place and collect all her things... she had tons of stuff at his place... and then for the rest of the week she bitches about everything that was bad in this dateship... until her parents decide to visit for 2 days... i now understand so much more about why she is the way she is... so, she tells me to not say anything about the break up... and i don't... then she gets a call from the "7 month rule guy" and he tells her that he is taking her out to dinner for V-day... my mouth literally dropped to the floor... are you kidding me? after everything he put you through...well... she went and he mother was boasting about this for hours as she got ready...

all i know is that they're back together... cuz he was here today getting stuff from the frigde to take to his apt... and the whole time she lied to me... about everything... and many thoughts come into my mind... she must really have low self-esteem, she likes guys that look like rats, she likes people to feel sorry for her or maybe she does like him alot or she doesn't want to be lonely...

Clueless is all i have to say... how can someone be with another person who is always hot and cold... someone who is always looking to change you into what they feel is the perfect person for them... what ever happened to liking someone for who they already are... i am just so confused... im just glad that i got to vent cuz she has me so stressed out... about her emotions, her tears and her craziness... i feel like i am dating her and she has me on the 7 month rule... oh helllllll nooo... i will never let that happen...

I am a strong, loud, cute, curvy, talented and proud Latina... try and change me and see what happens!!! Im like a wall... u can never break this down!!!

Until next time... gosh clueless people are silly!!!

Besos